MARRIAGE
IN IGBOLAND FOR THE GOOD OF THE SPOUSES AND OTHER VALUES
PREAMBLE
There
is a popularly orchestrated conception of African marriage that makes it look
as if African marriage is just for the generation offspring. Far from it, an
igbo man believes that marriage is also for good of the spouses. In all African
setting, marriage is a fit every man and woman must achieve. A man gets married
to continue his generation; this is a concept called “AHAMEFULA” may my name
not be lost. It then means that an igbo man wishes to live forever.
Nonetheless, igbos do not actually reject the fact that there is a possibility
of life after death. They do wish to elongate their earthly existence through
their seed. A man’s enjoyment of manhood lies then in the number of children he
has. This concept is not inclusive one “ahamefula” or “ahamefuna” does not
include the birth of a female child. An igbo needs female child but does not
value her much as a male child. Though no man is happy completely if he has ten
male children without any female. For this reason, looking at it from the
surface, one can say that this is the only reason why igbo(African) goes into
marriage. Though there are other importance attached to it.
MARRIAGE
FOR THE GOOD OF THE SPOUSES
Whenever
marriage is to be for the good of the spouses, it involves the concepts like
love, unity, indissolubility and good of the offspring. Though in this work, we
will be seeing it with a perspective in which igbo man understands it. We,
therefore includes other concepts like “ichiba ukwu n’ ulo” (on the side of the
man), “mma nwanyi bu di” (on the side of the woman), and expansion of man is
wealth.
LOVE,
UNITY, AND DISSOLUBILITY
Igbo
marriages to a greater extent, begins with love, but the proper aspect of love
here is that the marriage is often ends in love. The beginning does not matter
so much. The display in home movies notwithstanding, love does not necessarily
begin Igbo marriage, but love is expected to be its last end. There factors
that can militate against this. Most important of this factors is that there is
a question of “ihuta nwanyi” (to find a woman) ihuta nwanyi can occur as a
question of betrothal or a situation whereby the parents or friends of the
man finds a wife for him. The love this man gives
to the woman is based on the recommendation of a third party. Consequently,
some those marriages do last or something does not produce equality between
couples. Often, the woman simply learns to respect her husband and the man
learns to tolerate his wife. It can also leads to marriage of second wife. And
many at times the marriage exist in quarrels and fight. However, some this kind
of marriage by recommendation grows in love. That is why it is often suggested
that marriage can even begin before love. Love will grow eventually. The above
fact of ihuta nwanyi does not in entirely exclude love in igbo marriage. It
suggests that love can grow in relationship. The man allows the woman to show
her true self vis visa. Other concept like unity is also involved by the fact
that Africans value family above all. The woman adheres to the instructions of
the husband and the children respect their parents and the husband protects his
family. Unity exist from this point. The
igbos will say that family bound is greater than friendship. “iwe nwanne adighi
eru n’ okpukpu” the anger caused by siblings does not touch the bone. Obara anaghi asi asi (blood does not lie) ozu siwe isi enyi ka nwanne agbalaga. (When
the corps smells the friend who is greater than a relation will run). These
proverbs indicates unity in the family. From tis also comes the unity of the
marriage between a man and a woman.
INDISOLUBILITY
African marriages last longer than any other form of marriage including in the
absence of offspring. The major resultant of childless marriage is polygamy.
Inclusion of another wife in marriage is “adinfinitum” provided a man can
manage the wives. Divorce is rare in Africa especially in igbo land where I am
speaking from. Divorce occurs ten over hundred in igbo marriages. Polygamy most
often does threaten the relationship between the man and his first loved wife. He
can be childless through her but other wives can simply be his company while
the first wife retains her position as his love. However, there other goods
when seen igboly or africanlly that can be the reason for marriage.
ICHEBA
UKWU N’ ULO
Icheba
ukwu n’ ulo literally means to enter inside the house. A young man is believed
to be single and searching in igbo; except those who have betrothed. He can get
involved in many escapades during his youthful age. He stays out with friends
till anytime he wants. Some of these things ends at his marriage. After his
marriage the man begin to shed off certain kinds of lives, certain kinds of
friends and limits his relationship with women. The youth plays certain
accepted games in the moonlight, uzommiri, (on the way to fetch water), uzo
nuku (on the way to fetch wire wood) uzo oru( on the way to the farm) etc.
these pranks kind of game stops. He now carries himself in aura befitting of a
married man. He can no longer get involve in all sorts of sexual relationships
and keeps no girlfriends. He controls how, what and where he eats. He comes
home directly from work, not diverting to the bar or any other places of his choice.
Igbos can equally say “nwoke etozugo ihe eji nwoke eme” the man is riped enough
for manhood. Even his friends yet unmarried will restrict their relationship
and create their boundaries. It is an honor to be married. The igbo man
attaches importance in marriage and respects a married man. At this point, the
parents the parents of the man will settle him with some portions of land to
till and cultivate or to build his own house. This is to enable him to take
care of his family. Marriage is for the good of a man.
THE
CONCEPT OF MMA NWANYI BU DI:
It
has been reiterated in igbo land that mma nwanyi bu di ya. The beauty of a
woman is husband. This conception of marriage has made a lot of woman get
married before serious mature age. Sometimes earlier than twelve years. Any
girl not married till her late thirties suffers hysteria. They can do a lot of
things to simply get married. Am not talking of generation where women selects
husbands. No, am making reference to the
period when women learn to love their husbands after their marriage.
The
beauty of a wife is the husband indicates that when a woman is married, her
beauty is made manifest. An unmarried is
to be less beautiful no matter how beautiful she may be without husband, your
beauty is useless. This fact goes on to say that woman can actually be
beautiful as a young girl, but her beauty is nothing if not appreciated by men.
This beauty is not only in facial appearance but also in character and attitude.
However, the qualities of a beautiful woman is not husband rather the husband
is a good sign that her beauty of whatever kind is appreciated. “mma nwanyi bu
di ya “ therefore means that marriage is end and fulfillment of every beautiful
woman. The married man wipes away the tears in a woman’s face. “imecha nwanyi
anya mmiri” today, girls put on mae ups because they wish to attract men for
other reasons, like friendship, dating, sex, money, but marriage is the least
of their reasons. This is why today there are increase in sexual immorality.
THE
GOOD OF THE OFFSPRING:
The
good offspring is another good of igbo marriage which cannot be under
emphasized. I do not wish to look at it from the importance of children in
marriages but on the importance of being a child born within a marriage. When
children are born outside wedlock, they lack protection of a father. The mother
becomes their only hope. Sometimes this woman will leave this child at home and
get married to a man who does not accept this child. If she is a girl,
sometimes she may pass through a stigma of a bastard. It is also worst when he
is a boy. The legitimate sons may deny him a lot of things. He is often left to
find for himself. He suffers to get whatever he needs because being an
illegitimate child, he has no inheritance in the family.
The
ills above can be avoided when child birth is done only within the ambient of
marriage. Married couples go to any extent to protect, guide, guard, and
provide for their children; irrespective obedient they are to their parents.
Marriage gives peace to the children of the husbands and wives. The igbo
believes that bastard children are social deviation from the right. The good of
the offspring naturally emerges from the good of the spouses. When the man and
the woman mutually loves themselves and understands each other, then, this is
transferred to their children. An igbo man understands the church when he
asserts “the offspring proceeds from the love a man and woman” “Johnpaul 11”
MARRIAGE
BRINGS MUTUAL HELP:
Most
African men are good acquisition of wealth. In fact before a man get married in
igboland, he will acquire land, build house, etc. he needs money to get
married, to pay dowry and carry on with traditional rites. In the past, wealthy
man is known for the amount of land he has acquired by working hard. Men do
this before marriage. At marriage, their wife becomes their helper. She is also
not just a helper but a safe keeper of these things the husband has acquired.
For this reason, she is called “odosi aku as well as ori aku”. She is odosi aku
because she keeps the husband’s wealth safe and controls them. At the same time
the man has actually acquired them for to be comfortable. When they beget
children, this extends the man’s productivity. The children of an igbo wealthy
man are his employees in his farm. Even in nowadays, the case is not different.
The
man leaves his legacy for his children to continue. I know a trader who has
expanded his business locations to establish his sons and daughters, even his
wife.
So, African marriage in igbo setting reduces
stress for the man and helps him to extend his empire, it breed people who
answers the name of a man.
CONCLUSION:
In
synopsis, this article does not aim in describing what igbo marriage is all
about but to simplify see also that it is for the good of spouses. This not to
dispute the fact that Africans belief that marriage promotes life of the man.
By begetting children the man prolongs his life and his generation. However, he
marries because he wants his own good and that of his wife. The good of the
spouses extends the good of the children.
